One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
