Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
