cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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