I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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