You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize