'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He felt like a one man threesome
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
