He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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