he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
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he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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