apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
