"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
