got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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