Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
