Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
