You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
