Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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