woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
As shirtless as possible
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
