wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just made out with a guy for $7.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
