Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
