Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
