weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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