You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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