I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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