Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
what day is it and did you see me today?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
