All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
