I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
