We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
