rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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