i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
