I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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