So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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