Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
