She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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