I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Did you pee in the oven last night??
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
