So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
