Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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