I love having hate sex.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
