Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
