the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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