she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
