i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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