im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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