We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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