I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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