There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I faked an abortion last night.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
