I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize