then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
high people should be assigned attendants
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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