Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
