What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
