And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
