she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
