the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
