i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
