I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
