Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
