i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
