the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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