oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
