Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
