meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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