God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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