Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
