If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
