She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Vodka?
Forever.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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