Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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