after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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