btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
