my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he thought i was a dude.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
