Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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