I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I need to calm my uterus...
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
