the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize