You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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