when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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