I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
