everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
