apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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