Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
