Whod you bang
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
