i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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