Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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