I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
