when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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