but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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