It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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