Pappa wants mamma naked
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
