Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Just pee around me
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
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