i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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