Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
