Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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