I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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